Who do you think she is?

We met when I was having my attachment at one of the multinational companies in Takoradi.

She seemed so nervous, so tender, so delicate and most of all flamboyantly young.  I looked at her, her eyes so beautiful, so full of hopes, full of dreams unfinished, full of expectations. They made me want to go to her, console her; tell her everything would be okay.  I looked at her. She smiled. 

There was nothing extra ordinary about her. She was just a normal girl, a young lady with dreams of her own, living in another world – a world full of hopes n dreams . I wanted to be with her. I found myself getting involved. I found myself feeling things I hadn’t felt in a long time. We talked.  Her carefree laugh,  her gleaming eyes. She smiled.  

I started cancelling my meetings to stay with her.  I wanted to touch her hand, hold her in my arms, tell her how much I ached for her. But I knew it was wrong. Completely illogical. I promised not to think about her, yet I found myself wondering about her. I felt cold. Needing the warmth of her smile. She told me she liked me. I never said I loved her. She said she couldn’t be with me but she was mad to be with me. I never said how much I ached for her. I told her it was wrong. She was committed and so was I. We had relationships and we loved our partners.  She said she was crazy about me and was sorry to have bothered me. I never told her why my eyes were watery. I ached inside. She smiled.

Her thoughts haunted me. Our talks made my heart melt. I knew it could never happen, because I loved my fiancée. She loved her guy. I tried to find a way out. To wake up,  to forget her.  

Not every feeling has a name. Not every relation can be told. She told me she loved my smile. I never told her she was the reason for it. She touched my fingers; I didn’t draw my hand back. All I could look at was her beautiful dreamy eyes. I told myself my fiancée was way better looking; still she was all I could look at. Her last day at work, I ached to hold her.  She came to me, “I love my guy, still I can’t live without u in my life everyday, I don’t know what it is and I am sorry for being this way”. “I... I don’t know what to say”, I wanted to say so much yet I was at a loss for words.  I cried silently for her, staring into those beautiful eyes. “I’ll miss u …” she said. Those eyes full of tears, and yet I couldn’t say a thing.

I watched her go from my office window. I watched her walk silently to the main gate, her head bowed down, and arms folded holding her handbag to her chest. I wanted to shout, I wanted to stop her. I wanted to hate myself for feeling this way. I loathed myself for letting her go. She turned to look at me. The tear in my eye, found its way to my cheek. She cried,I wept.